Love is not policy, it is implementation

This writing is to remind me of the reality and meaning of the love I offer - to my friends, to mystic and mythic forces and beings, to myself, and one day I hope to my life partner.

Inevitably, from time to time, things are hard and I feel like I'm doing it wrong. In those moments, this is the truth I want to hold onto.

The love I offer is not a frame of mind. It is not a set of admiring beliefs. And the absence of admiring beliefs in any given moment does not mean the absence of my love.

It is not a set of feelings, no matter how burning and sincere and deeply felt they are. No matter how viscerally and commandingly present in my body, those feelings are not my love. And their absence in any given moment is not its absence.

To love is not a destination to me. It is not somewhere I will get to if only I choose the right path and journey steadily. It is not somewhere I will one day arrive at and find rest. Not arriving at that resting-place does not mean that I am not loving.

My love is not a force acting on its object. It is not gravity or magnetism. It does not exert control, it does not demand or even request. Its existence can't be measured by looking at whether it tugs on the person or thing I offer it to. And it does not bestow a burden or a task.

To say "I love you" is not, for me, to love. My love is not an attestation or a promise or a commitment I make to its object. The words are not the deed. The promise to love is not love. The commitment to the thing is not the thing itself.

The truth I want to hold on to is that the love I offer is a deliberate daily practice, a constantly instantiated process. It is a beautiful and meaningful pattern that emerges from the choices I make and the actions I take, moment to moment to moment. It is a series of expressions in the world of my body and mind and heart and soul; intuitive and instinctive, skillful and reflective, embodied and ethereal.

My love is what I do, not what I say or where I am or even how I feel. Because to give love, honestly and steadfastly and intelligently, when we do not feel love? That is a powerful thing. I hold that loving power.

For me, to love is to honour, through my actions, with integrity and consistency, commitments that arise from the values at my core. These are commitments to care and connection, to authenticity and truth, to courage and sacrifice, and above all, to open, curious, loving attention. For me to love is to show up with an open mind and heart and soul, without an agenda, and ask: What do you need? What can I give you? How can I show you that you matter to me? And then to listen, with all my senses.

I don't always get it right. I don't always reach the heights. I don't always fulfil my potential. But I always do my best - and when I get it wrong, I do whatever I can to apologise and repair and reconnect and learn and grow.

And to receive love of this quality? To know that someone so warm-hearted and intuitive and intelligent and patient and resourceful and resilient and trustworthy is truly on your team, and will put her consistent effort into caring for you? Into wanting and choosing you? Into making sure you're always okay, even when you're not okay; into sitting with you in the dark; helping you find the light again when you are ready? Celebrating your wins with you just as wholly as she will hold space for you to grieve the losses?

That feels absolutely fucking incredible, my darlings. I am so blessed to be able to give that to myself. And part of giving it to myself is believing that anyone else I offer it to is honoured by that gift, whether or not they are able to receive it.