Put your head in my head: My journey with attraction and connection

me

17 Sep 2025 — 1 min read

In my teens, it was: "Omg yes, put your body in my body, baby, so hot!"

In my 20s, it was: "Sure bodies are hot but I also need an intellectual connection. Fuck yeah, I want you to put your head in my head."

In my 30s, it was: "Intellectual connection is important but what I really crave is emotional intimacy. Please, my darling, put your heart in my heart."

And then, in my 40s, someone put their soul in my soul for the first time, and showed me who I could be, and it changed the meaning of connection and attraction for me. It changed my understanding of who and what my sexuality is for. It changed the meaning of familiar words - belonging, home, safety. Maybe even of love.

I suspect that from now on, spiritual intimacy is going to be yet another dealbreaker for me, dammit. My already slim chances of finding another partner have gone down a little more. But it is what it is - the toothpaste ain't going back in the tube.

Please understand that I'm not making a claim here about growth or evolution or optimisation toward a so-called better thing. This journey is specific to me and is not normative.

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Homecoming

A letter to my drug of choice

Clarity contractions

In the meadow